Kuhusu Dan Dreifort

In my formative years I trained swine to find a particular growth in the rootstock of a slightly less particular tree in what was then referred to as "the chastity belt of the iron curtain". I and the other swine mushers were poorly treated by foreman Gizzle, perhaps because his crusty old wife was about as appealing as the mishmash porridge we all shared three meals a day in our lice-infested hovel, far from the comforts of the first world. Oh what we would have given to only know the bliss, nay the rapture of - but I digress. Somehow sensing a greater destiny. I had to leave. The trials and tribulations of life on the road are nothing, I suspect, in comparison to the several months of hell I and my willing crew endured while crossing the southern Pacific on a balsa wood raft. Dehydration, sharks, and ever-present defecation logistics problems were only a portion of these trials. In response to my well-heeled, and I suppose, much dryer critics back home, I would shout: "check me now, bitches!", as I bobbed and thrashed hither and thither, forehead caked with my less stalwart crew-members' bile. It was this sort of gutsy panache I was most well known for outside of academic circles, (before I found my fame on the high seas, of course) having once shouted at FDR during a Democratic party fund-raiser: "Shut up bitch!." That was just after the Korean war- heady times for most Americans- and indeed for me as well, as I had just become the first man to ever walk on the moon. Perhaps it was this sense of American hubris which prompted then Chicago governor Ronald Reagan to portray me in the most expensive feature film ever made: "Whither Kon Tiki?" This marked a considerable departure for Reagan, whose film credits to that date included "The Godfather" and "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" in which he portrayed a very light skinned black man. This episode would later strike then Oregon governor Ted Kennedy as being a very strange move, politically speaking...