"it shouldn't be this hard to own your life online" Why do you insist on putting up a splash screen with
see the question
Additional System Details
- Shockwave Flash 32.0 r0
- User Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64; rv:66.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/66.0
... a splash screen with - with what?
You can control what is displayed in the Home Page in options.
Type about:preferences#home in the URL bar and hit Enter.
Look at Firefox Home Content to change the settings.