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Language cleanup suggestions - first try at this.

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  • Last reply by AliceWyman
  1. user1573517 1 post
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    Hello team, as I am new to this I wanted to make some suggestions here for debate instead of making the edits directly in the article.

    - The new title "Rate your Firefox experience" makes it specific to just the rating section, not the other messaging/feedback sections. Maybe expand to "Rate your experience and control messages in Firefox (Heartbeat)"?

    - In intro paragraph, suggest streamline ending of last sentence: "if you are running an outdated version of Firefox."

    - In 'out of date' section, suggest revising last sentence: "This message shows because prolonged use of an outdated version of Firefox can expose you to serious security risks."

    Looking forward to your thoughts.

    Hello team, as I am new to this I wanted to make some suggestions here for debate instead of making the edits directly in the article. - The new title "Rate your Firefox experience" makes it specific to just the rating section, not the other messaging/feedback sections. Maybe expand to "Rate your experience and control messages in Firefox (Heartbeat)"? - In intro paragraph, suggest streamline ending of last sentence: "if you are running an outdated version of Firefox." - In 'out of date' section, suggest revising last sentence: "This message shows because prolonged use of an outdated version of Firefox can expose you to serious security risks." Looking forward to your thoughts.
  2. AliceWyman 5146 posts
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    Hi, Craig.

    There was an earlier discussion on the article title. See: https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/rate-your-firefox-experience-heartbeat/discuss/7532 "Out of date message" section added for the update prompt (this article could use a new title).

    Thanks for your suggestion to change the article title to, "Rate your experience and control messages in Firefox (Heartbeat)". I think we should make it clearer that we are talking about controlling Heartbeat messages in Firefox, not all Firefox messages. The article also explains what these messages are, not just how to control them.

    Maybe something more general, like this? Notifications to rate or update Firefox (Heartbeat)

    As for the content, do you want to try editing the article yourself?

    Hi, Craig. There was an earlier discussion on the article title. See: https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/rate-your-firefox-experience-heartbeat/discuss/7532 ''"Out of date message" section added for the update prompt (this article could use a new title).'' Thanks for your suggestion to change the article title to, "Rate your experience and control messages in Firefox (Heartbeat)". I think we should make it clearer that we are talking about controlling Heartbeat messages in Firefox, not all Firefox messages. The article also explains what these messages are, not just how to control them. Maybe something more general, <s>like this</s>? <s>'''Notifications to rate or update Firefox (Heartbeat)'''</s> As for the content, do you want to try editing the article yourself?
    Modified by AliceWyman on
  3. AliceWyman 5146 posts
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    Forget my suggestion for a new title since it didn't cover Heartbeat surveys. The first paragraph of the article says,

    As you use Firefox, you may be selected to rate your experience. We also use Heartbeat to send surveys on Mozilla products, the Internet or current events relevant to users. You may also see a notification from Heartbeat if you are running a version of Firefox that is very out of date.

    I like your original suggestion, Rate your experience and control messages in Firefox (Heartbeat) ... but I would change it to: (Edited) Rate your Firefox experience, surveys and out of date messages (Heartbeat) or, Rate Firefox, surveys and out of date messages (Heartbeat)

    If there are no other suggestions, I'll change the article title to one of the above.

    Forget my suggestion for a new title since it didn't cover Heartbeat surveys. The first paragraph of the article says, ''As you use Firefox, you may be selected to rate your experience.'' ''We also use Heartbeat to send surveys on Mozilla products, the Internet or current events relevant to users.'' ''You may also see a notification from Heartbeat if you are running a version of Firefox that is very out of date.'' I like your original suggestion, '''Rate your experience and control messages in Firefox (Heartbeat)''' ... but I would change it to: <sub>(Edited)</sub> '''Rate your Firefox experience, surveys and out of date messages (Heartbeat)''' or, '''Rate Firefox, surveys and out of date messages (Heartbeat)''' If there are no other suggestions, I'll change the article title to one of the above.
    Modified by AliceWyman on
  4. AliceWyman 5146 posts
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    Craig S. said

    - In intro paragraph, suggest streamline ending of last sentence: "if you are running an outdated version of Firefox."

    The Heartbeat update prompt isn't shown for all outdated versions, only those that are at least two or more versions out of date. I did change very out of date to "critically out of date".

    - In 'out of date' section, suggest revising last sentence: "This message shows because prolonged use of an outdated version of Firefox can expose you to serious security risks."

    I updated the 'out of date' section to change the last sentence from This message is shown when an outdated version of Firefox causes a serious security risk to: "This message is shown when an outdated version of Firefox exposes you to a serious security risk."

    P.S. Even though we no longer support Firefox 59 and below, I think we should keep the old content in the "Opting out" section, for Windows XP/Vista and other users who can't use a current version of Firefox.

    ''Craig S. [[#post-17199|said]]'' <blockquote> - In intro paragraph, suggest streamline ending of last sentence: "if you are running an outdated version of Firefox." </blockquote> The Heartbeat update prompt isn't shown for all outdated versions, only those that are at least two or more versions out of date. I did change ''very out of date'' to "critically out of date". <blockquote> - In 'out of date' section, suggest revising last sentence: "This message shows because prolonged use of an outdated version of Firefox can expose you to serious security risks." </blockquote> I updated the 'out of date' section to change the last sentence from ''This message is shown when an outdated version of Firefox causes a serious security risk'' to: "This message is shown when an outdated version of Firefox exposes you to a serious security risk." P.S. Even though we no longer support Firefox 59 and below, I think we should keep the old content in the "Opting out" section, for Windows XP/Vista and other users who can't use a current version of Firefox.
    Modified by AliceWyman on